Feeling Sorry for Myself (IBS Edition)

File under: I just want a hot cup of coffee

Bonjour!

I’ve been feeling extra worn out lately. Maybe because of the shifting seasons or the darker evenings. Maybe because of the extra bad news. Maybe because my stomach hates me.

Living with IBS can be challenging and exhausting. I’ve been lactose intolerant (and generally intolerant, le wink) since late high school, and since then have eliminated various foods that trigger symptoms (your alliums and legumes; your onions, garlic, and peanuts; what have you).

Managing IBS When You Love Food

To manage my IBS symptoms, I try to follow the FODMAP diet. I also recently starting taking a gut antispasmoic regularly, not just as needed for gas, cramps, and . . . you get the idea.

Dining or carrying out is difficult, if not impossible, and who wants to cook every single night after working or cleaning or managing the emotions of a delicate dachshund all day? (I am not a chef.) Even after all these years, it’s hard to know what to eat sometimes. Le sigh.

In the last two years, my symptoms have never been worse. Since pregnancy and childbirth, my IBS is turned up to eleven. My stomach hurts every day. I’ve lost weight (and don’t tell anyone who’s had a baby that I now weigh less than I did before I was pregnant). I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. I feel tired and gross and, frankly, a little depressed.

There are still plenty of things I can eat, including gluten (cake! crackers! cookies! bread! there is a god!). But I’m feeling sorry for myself, so we’re ignoring that for now.

What Coffee Means to Me

What precipitated my most recent illness-related meltdown was coffee. I’ve been doubling down on my diet, eliminating more IBS triggers, and three big ones are alcohol, chocolate, and coffee (because of the caffeine in the latter two). I cut out alcohol and never looked back. Chocolate was tougher, but the occasional dairy-free treat is more than enough.

But coffee, y’all. Coffee.

To me, one of life’s greatest pleasures is a hot cup of coffee. The ritual of preparation, the delight of the first sip of the day (try not to smile!), the comfort of the familiar warm mug in your hand.

In an uncertain, unfamiliar world as I navigate new parenthood and my place in my new life, making and drinking a cup of coffee feels so normal.

It’s every chitchat with my mother. It’s every walk across campus to teach. It’s every café on my last trip to Germany. It’s every Sunday morning watching Premier League with my spouse.

So after two years of feeling sick and stressed, of being pregnant and bringing new life into the world, of worrying about parents with cancer and heart issues, it was the thought of giving up coffee that put me right over the edge. I just don’t want to give it up. Le sigh encore.

Tea Is Just as Good as Coffee, Right?

Yes, there are worse things in the world than giving up coffee. Just look at a newspaper (do they still exist?). But, like I said, I’m feeling sorry for myself and indulging in some good old-fashioned wallowing.

So I’m working with black tea and ginger tea and water right now. But Katie, my dear readers will surely say. There’s such a thing as caffeine-free coffee! Indeed, but the acid still tears me up.

I won’t be down for long. I’ll drink more tea. I’ll tweak my diet. I’ll try the decaffeinated version of a low-acid coffee to which my mother alerted me. But for now, I miss the machine’s hiss as the milk froths and its purr as the espresso brews, the promise of a comforting ritual.

For Further Reading

For the tea enthusiasts: check out my Ginger-Lemon-Honey Tea recipe.

And for those seeking low-acid coffee: a list of the Best Low Acid Coffee.

What adjustments could you make to support a healthier lifestyle?

Merci for reading and please subscribe and share!

À votre santé,

Katie